Oh my god, I'm in love with my roommate!

You need to make a few choices, and the sooner you make up your mind and know what you really want, the faster you’ll be able to deal with the situation.  And ideally, you need to deal with the situation or you could end up being miserable in your own home.  You’ll end up constantly hiding your feelings if you don’t have the courage to say something.  But before you talk to your roommate, you need to think about how you really feel and why you feel that way.  You may be confusing lust or even deep feelings of friendship and companionship for romantic love.  If this is the case and you try to date your roommate, things will not last very long and then one or both of you will be looking for a new place to live.  To test this theory, go on a few dates with different people to see if the feelings for your roommate dissipate.  It may be that you were just lonely and looking for love and attention.

However, if you find out that your feelings are genuine, then you really do need to say something to your roommate, even if he or she has a lover outside of the apartment.  You don’t have to proclaim your love or propose marriage or anything crazy and serious like that, but you do need to say that you have developed some feelings for him or her and you’re wondering if they are reciprocated.  If they are not reciprocated, which may be the case, then at least you and your roommate can start an open dialogue about whether or not these feelings will make living together too complicated.  It’s totally possible that you will be fine, and you’ll just stay good friends even after this very difficult conversation about your feelings.

There is a second possible ending for this “I Think I Love You” conversation, as well.  Let’s return to Chris and Maggie.  After talking to a few friends about his situation, Chris ended up going on a few dates with some coworkers.  He had some fun, but didn’t really click with any of the women like he did with Maggie.  He found it harder and harder to be around Maggie in the apartment and was constantly thinking of her during the day.  Chris realized he couldn’t go on living this way and decided to say something to Maggie.  He just had to know whether or not there was a possibility for them to try dating, and even if her answer was “no” than at least he tried.  During their next dinner at the apartment, and with the help of a few glasses of wine, Chris finally brought up his feelings.  He said he found Maggie to be the most beautiful women in the world, and he enjoyed spending time with her and would like to pursue a true romantic relationship with her.  He said he respected any decision Maggie had about this conversation, particularly in light of the fact that she was in a relationship.

Maggie took some time to think about what Chris said, but she agreed to go on a “date” with him to dinner and the movies later that week.  They had such a great time, and it wasn’t long before Maggie and Chris were a full-fledged couple.  Chris knew he was taking a risk by announcing his feelings for Maggie, and it was odd at first since they were living together in addition to dating each other.  But Chris’s risk paid off, and he and Maggie are very happy together.


Falling in love with your roommate is not something you can really control, and it can be a very dangerous situation in which to find yourself.  But if you approach your roommate respectfully and maturely, no matter how they feel about you, your living situation will be so much better than if you hide your feelings away from the world.

Krista Jansen graduated from New York University with a B.F.A. in Cinema Studies and a B.A. in Psychology.  She pursues her passions for film and pop culture by writing movie reviews and short stories about her experiences living and working in New York City.